Beneath nervousness lurks shattering fear, the stuff of childhood
nightmares. Admit the fear. Confront it. You fear making a fool of
yourself. You fear messing up. You fear rejection. You fear ridicule. You
fear mocking laughter. You fear what fear itself is doing to you,
breaking down your resolve and triggering the reflex to run and hide.
Yet, you can grit your teeth and fight back. Know you can be
afraid, and still do what needs to be done.
I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the
little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has
gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the
fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.
"Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear"
from Frank Herbert's "DUNE"
Learn to control the physiological manifestations of nervousness.
Breathing is the key. In the midst
of an attack of nerves, you are taking frequent shallow breaths,
hyperventilating, superoxygenating your blood, overloading your system
with adrenaline. Discipline your breathing. Inhale deeply, but only at
the rate of once per six seconds (this is the rhythm of the pounding
surf). Hold breath, count cadence, 1---2---3---4---5---6,
breathe, hold, 1---2, exhale. The rhythm becomes automatic, no
longer requiring your conscious attention. Now, silently, within yourself,
chant a favorite poem, or an appropriate mantra, "I-shall-endure,
I-shall-endure...". Visualize a deep reflecting pool, a pool of cool,
clear water - an island of stillness in the eye of the storm. Cup your
hands and drink of the soothing, tranquil liquid. Let the healing cold
trickle down your throat and wash away the tightness. Your pulse rate
gradually slows, the tension drains from you, and the perspiration dries
as calm returns.
Distance yourself from the woman talking to you, exciting you, yes, but crippling you with anxiety. Need, desperation, and loneliness have dragged you into a whirlpool of hyperacute emotional sensitivity. It is as though your feelings were a raw open wound, and a single touch means agony. Weakness! Vulnerability! In your mind, put up a shield, construct an invisible barrier between the two of you. Imagine someone else is there, someone less threatening, perhaps a childhood acquaintance or your third grade teacher. This effectively removes the emotional charge from the encounter.
You and the woman across from you are, as yet, strangers to one another,
all possibilities unrealized, and you cannot, will not impinge upon
each other, neither physically nor yet in the realm of feelings. You
are only just building a bridge to each other,"establishing diplomatic
relations". It is a small, safe beginning.
In time, you will learn to harness the motive force, the savage power, the
explosive energy that fuels your mind and body's reaction to challenge.
Fear can mobilize, rather than paralyze. Think of it as a resource,
a reservoir of energy. Harness it. Use it. Learn to fly with it.
Life only demands from you the strength you possess.
Only one feat is possible -- not to have run away.
Dag Hammarskjold