Shards & Fragments
Assorted Tips and Hints
These odds 'n ends, written on scraps of paper and the backs of
envelopes, turned up among the contents of Uncle Filbert's ancient
steamer trunk. They are to be taken "with a grain of salt", to be sure,
but strangely enough, much of the "advice" actually seems to work.
Secrets of successful seduction artists.
- Identifying vulnerable women.
Observation skills, sensitivity, skill at interpreting behavior, body language.
- A repertoire of practiced behaviors.
Rehearsed routines that work in one-on-one social situations.
- Single-mindedness.
A narrow focus on female behavior patterns.
- Nerves of steel.
Impervious to rejection and putdowns.
- Determination
Not discouraged by temporary setbacks.
- Unshakable confidence.
Success will come - if not this time, then the next, or the next after that.
How can you tell if she 'likes' you?
- She seems interested in who you are, what you do, whether you are single.
- She "lights up" when you speak to her.
- She just happens to wear different clothes every time you see her (dresses
up for you?).
There are also certain physical telltales, such as enlargement of the
pupils, slightly defocused gaze, rapid pulse, and reddened skin that
may indicate infatuation. If she get flustered and nervous
speaking to you, and is unable to make eye contact, it could be that
she is overwhelmed, quite taken with you, but too shy to express it.
Note that this is NOT a reliable method, as the signs can easily be
misread and could signify quite the opposite in some situations. It is
far better to trust the normal communications channels, to actually listen
to what she says, if you want to understand her behavior toward you.
"Mesmerizing" a woman.
Everyone has a characteristic cadence in their movements, their
mannerisms, their walk, their speech, their personal way of doing
things. This is their heartbeat rhythm, their most intimate
"signature", their very style. When two people begin to draw together,
they unconsciously adjust their rhythms to blend and synchronize.
By design, you can subtly accelerate and reinforce this very natural
process, using deliberate mimicry.
Speaking with her, detach part of your mind from the conversation,
and gradually key your verbal responses to the cadence and timing
of her speaking rhythm. Walking by her side, carefully copy her pace
and cadence. Facing her, match her every breath, even her blink rate.
You are trying to synchronize your physiological rhythms. The objective
is to forge a harmony, a resonance, a unity from your physical nearness.
This methodology is presented for informational purposes only ("Don't
try this at home, folks..."). Such techniques have their dangers
and are not appropriate for general use, as there are very serious
ethical implications.
Caution and discretion advised.
Glendower: I can call spirits from the vasty deep.
Hotspur: Why, so can I, or so can any man;
But will they come when you do call for them?
Shakespeare, Henry IV
How to attract the eyes of every woman present, as you walk into a room.
- Be dressed in a single, solid color.
A dark shade, such as blue, green, or black works best, but white is
also effective.
- Have several large metal ball bearings in your pocket.
They make a subaudible clicking as you walk.
- Speak as little as possible, and in a whisper if you must.
And now that you've got their attention, what are you going to do with it???
How to get a woman to approach you, to make the first move.
Most women have a natural reluctance to making the initial approach to a
man, partly as a result of upbringing (yes, even in this day and age),
and from fear of risking rejection. This creates a fairly high barrier
to be overcome before a woman will 'come on' to you... but she will if
she wants you badly enough, if she perceives an opportunity to meet you
slipping away, if she fears losing you to another woman.
- Make yourself accessible, but not too accessible.
Let there be a boundary to get past, resistance to overcome. This
suggests you have hidden depths, that you are more than you seem.
The mysteriously tantalizing hint of "forbidden fruit" intrigues and
challenges women, it fascinates and inflames, it lets the imagination
stray into the realm of illusion and desire.
Be friendly, but not fawning.
Make eye contact.
Come across as non-threatening, but somewhat detached, with an enigmatic air.
Speak softly, but authoritatively.
- Send out the right signals, with your eyes, your bearing, your body language.
Stand straight and show pride.
Radiate warmth and self-confidence.
Illuminate your personal space with your smile.
- Find or set up a context, a situation suitable for being approached
(consider this an exercise in strategic thinking).
"Sadie Hawkins Day" dances, where it is expected that the woman selects
her partner.
Certain meeting places, such as the notorious Café Keese,
in Berlin, Germany, where it is the norm for women to invite men to
their tables.
- Possess or master something that women want access to, such as specialized skills
(law, medicine) or status / prestige.
"Safe" gifts to give early in a relationship.
- Stuffed animals
- Bath oils and aromatic soaps
- Boxes of candy, especially premium and usual types
- Potted plants, especially semi-exotic ones, such as desert cacti
- Trinkets and key chain charms (sterling silver)
- Boxed games
- Unusual puzzles
- Paperweights made of semi-precious stones
- Mechanical music boxes
- Carved wooden figurines
- Almost anything with jade or amber in it
- Books
-
Looking sharp without spending big bucks.
- Buy clothes off the rack, or for that matter, in a thrift shop (no one
will ever know),
then pay a tailor about $10 - $30 each to form-fit and customize them.
Useful skills and attributes to cultivate (to attract women):
- Public speaking [rhetoric]
Keeping your poise in front of a group.
Organizing your thoughts into a coherent presentation.
Voice control.
- Storytelling
- Making people laugh
- Moving people to tears
- Comforting hurt people, easing pain
- The art of massage, healing touch
- Lending strength to those who need it
- Being able to borrow strength, when you need it
- Recognizing and avoiding self-destructive behaviors
- Resolving conflicts and defusing volatile situations (peacemaking)
- Picking up the pieces after a disaster
- Playing a musical instrument
- Ballroom dancing
- Gourmet cooking
- Problem solving
- Fixing things that are broken
- A trained memory
- Observation
- Being able to sense when someone is lying
- Seeing things from a different perspective
- "Thinking out of the box"
- Visualization skills
- Drawing and sketching
- Listening
- Knowing when to keep silent
(as an alternative to making a fool of yourself)
- Giving advice
- Taking advice
- Teaching
- Knowing when to trust
- Inspiring trust
- Intuition
- Trusting your intuition
- Accepting
- Being able to accurately assess risk
- Knowing when to stand fast, and when to bail out
- A nose for trouble
- Presence of mind
- Grace under pressure
- Resourcefulness
- Decisiveness
- "Focus"
- Balance
- Detachment
- Calmness, inner peace
- Patience
- Compassion
- Giving of yourself
- Self-control
- Self-discipline
- Self-sufficiency
- Self-acceptance
- Coming to terms with what you are,
and being at peace with yourself
"A Brief History of Romantic Love"
(based on research fragments by an unidentified student)
For most of human history, single men have not had to concern themselves
with meeting and courting women. Arranged marriage was the norm. Dating
and relationships did not occupy a place in everyday life, and the social
skills necessary for the practice of same were superfluous. Outside
the sanction of marriage, seduction and secretive assignations were
relatively common.
"Romantic love" is a somewhat recent innovation, originating in the
High Middle Ages, most notably in the Twelfth Century court of Eleanor
of Aquitaine, and spread among the royalty and aristocracy by wandering
troubadors and minstrels. It is only since the Industrial Revolution
and the rise of the Middle Class that the custom of marriage based on
love gained wide acceptance, that is to say, respectability.
This is not to minimize or deprecate the role of attraction between
persons, both on a physical and spiritual level, as a motivating factor
in all the matings and couplings that have taken place throughout the
ages. Men and women have always managed to circumvent the conventions
and restraints of society in order to satisfy their own needs. Social
boundaries exist to keep natural urges within bounds, to "tame" them
for the sake of the common good. It is in their success in dealing with
this apparent contradiction, in finding a balance point between the
needs of the individual and the greater social good that civilizations
are judged . . .
The pages following are badly water-stained and illegible.
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... for love is strong as death, passion cruel as the grave;
it blazes up like blazing fire, fiercer than any flame.
Song of Solomon 8:6 [NEB]